Maryanne Roller, a staff writer at The Good Men Project and a HuffPost senior contributing editor, shares the difference between online and distance learning.
What’s The Difference Between Online And Distance Learning?
Photo: The Washington Post via Getty Images
In one of the most talked-about “Tinder date” episodes of 20/20, then journalist Charlie Rose found himself on a blind date with a blind real-life blind date. At the beginning of the date, Rose — who worked for the news show 60 Minutes before his resignation from CBS News earlier this year — said he could relate to women in that they “deal with guys, then they go to something like Tinder and come back and have a very different idea of what they’re looking for.”
That very same night, his date Shari stood up Rose, the show pointed out, and Wolf Blitzer’s show delivered this searing segment on how online dating, even for well-known journalists, don’t really mean the same thing they do in real life. What was the takeaway, though, in Rose’s life, in the show, or is the takeaway based on reality?
Well, as it turns out, online dating — and distance learning in general — and how one approaches either can be very different. When it comes to online dating, there are two unique things about it that can make or break your chances of getting a second date with a woman, a man, a girl, a husband or wife — not to mention a leader of a country. Namely, your email game.
For men in an online-dating world where email is the easiest and most effective way to interact with potential partners, the game is easy. Online experts and dating coaches, even one a gentleman himself, date back to AOL’s chatrooms and online forums for proof that the game is played very differently.
“Online is very different, for one,” says personal development coach Jeff Gerson, author of Real Life, Jeff Gerson’s Road to Success. “You have a large volume of individuals — you are out there, and you are reaching hundreds of thousands, or maybe even millions of people a day. Now on a scale of 1 to 10, one might say it’s an 8. And even the people you are emailing may have many more responses than you do. The question is, do you want that?”
One pro gives the email advantage to a man.
“Young men tend to build up a database,” says Amy Reale, a psychic and dating coach based in D.C. She says men feel they know what women want because they’ve studied what women have responded to before. Men — and girls — study other women’s response to lure them in, Reale says.
“It’s really not that different for a girl,” says Reale. “I’m not saying it is, but young women typically know who they want. They just don’t know how to get there. If they approach a man, they always connect with a guy in an email first.”
Reale adds that as a life coach, she’s seen men send heartfelt emails based on an understanding of what the woman in question is talking about, and a respect and understanding of her preferences — a “value exchange” from both sides.
As much as women have learned to manage their emails, however, it’s not the most effective way to approach a potential online match, agrees Reale.
“Never [send] an email with the ‘come-here-I-am’ approach,” she says. “It can go terribly wrong. Why? Because the person will assume you are already interested.” Reale recommends writing a long, three-paragraph email that is on topic, and of substance. Avoid the all-caps “…—————————” tone, because you’re not a salesman. Reale also adds this tip: Remove your picture. In the world of e-dating, there are literally thousands of images that are being “arranged” for you. (I need to get a life.) Not one is worth your personal space. One feature from your date’s email you’ll see is the photo of the woman you’re emailing — and that’s a picture you do not want to see when exchanging messages.
Online-dating experts say this can come down to your own personality and expectations.
“It’s really dependent on who you are,” says dating coach Abby Reynolds. “For some people it’s not the technology, it’s the personality. For some people, it’s the expectations that they have of the relationship. For others, it’s just the people you’re attracted to.